’twas the season of more chaos than usual (deaths, travel plan changes, weather surprises, etc.), and though i rolled with it (and actually, in a strange sort of way, enjoyed letting it push me around), after i ushered everybody back to their lives and cleaned the house, i wanted nothing more than to bring some order to the aforementioned chaos. so i pondered and squinted and grunted and eventually churned out an admirable (if i do say so myself) plan.
and before it was 24 hours old, i had second thoughts.
i have something i want to write about, and for reasons i can’t explain – except maybe that i was drunk on (the illusion of) control – i bowed to the masculine, the left brain, my inner anal retentive or whatever you want to call it, and planned to rev up a dormant blog and post this particular topic there all by itself.
then my heart joined the party, and that changed everything.
now there was a stint when i had two blogs going, but a year or so ago i reached an age where i grew weary of compartmentalizing my life. shoot, i even chose the online name @whollyjeanne to profess to the world (and mostly to remind myself) my intention to shed the outgrown parts and bring me altogether. no more different pieces in different boxes, each box clearly labeled to avoid surprises and waste anybody’s time.
so i’ve scratched it off: no new old blog. when i come up with a name of this topic (maybe before), i’ll be writing about it here, giving it a category name and calling that fine.
two days into the year, i’m having marvelously huge fun writing 6 impossible things before bedtime. most of the time, i blow right on past 6 without even slowing down. creativity is funny like that.
Oh, wonderful!!! I think I’ve reached an age where I’m tired of compartmentalizing, too. All of my various “roles” in life are connected anyway. It will be interesting to return here to see what you write, whether it has a name or not.
I especially love “then my heart joined the party” — and that changes everything. Thank you!
You are so magical, Jeanne, I bet you could wave an enchanted pencil and carry along a handful of blogs with ease compared to the rest of us…
Then again, why make us hunt for your pearls, words, and wisdom?
Good to have you back Jeanne – was missing you while you were taking care (and beautifully so) of the reverb10 bloggers. Speaking of compartmentalizing, I’m exploring ways to stop compartmentalizing work, play, spiritual practice, you know…
Can you give me an example of what ‘an impossible thing’ looks like? I had the same wonder when reading your initial plan. It sounds really interesting ~ writing 6 impossible things before bedtime (and blowing past that, even) … but the concept is new to me and my Winnie the Pooh brain can’t fathom what it means.
I think it’s something I’d like to do too.
As for the compartmentalizing ~ I’ve done that, and I still do that. I now have a blog site on blogspot that is just sitting there, parked – because I don’t want to have to set one up again if I ever think of a way to use it.
The way I see it right now ~ I’m inextricably connected to others in so many ways – and my desire to be transparent and open flies in the face of the privacy that is important to them. So – there are aspects of my Self and my life that I share – and there are aspects of my life that remain ‘compartmentalized’.
I hear you on the wanting to share something important and holding back though. While the information may change the lives of some for the better – others may prefer that the words be left unsaid, unread. Sometimes following our hearts means considering all hearts affected and all the potential outcomes that may follow as a result.
Speaking of hearts ~ yours is beautiful …
“…enjoyed letting it push me around.” I know exactly what you mean and at least for me it’s because for most of those things it’s obvious what has to be done – or what cannot possibly be done. So there are no really tough decisions to make (or few) and really your only job is to roll with it and do your best and I find great relaxation and relief in that; almost like a brief holiday from major decision making.
you go girl, in all your whole, wonderful way. can’t wait to see what you are writing, especially those impossible ones.
Can’t wait to hear (read) more about this new concept/idea!
And I agree about maintaining different blogs … it can make you feel schizophrenic after awhile. I have two twitter accounts, two FB accounts, two blogs … one for work and one for me, and trying to keep them straight makes me crazy some days.
Your heart is the party!
I love you. I love you. I love you.