conjuring is hard work

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though i made a valiant effort to talk myself out of doing it, if i do say so myself, i started work on my vision board, my creative collage, whatever you want to call it for 2010, and let me tell you: it’s harder than i remember. first off, the only magazines i have here are pottery magazines, fiber arts magazines, and a few catalogues. not a single oprah magazine in sight. resolved to working with what i have, i sighed audibly then began to flip through the magazines within reach. at first i would notice an attraction to something, then i’d immediately begin to explain and justify that attraction.

that’s NOT how it’s played, and i know it.

then i began to look for words and got hung up on the cliche phrases that kinda’ make my skin crawl but i figured folks would see them, like them, and find me enlightened.

or something.

that’s when i almost joined kelly in her search for a mountain. eventually, though, i pushed past all that crap and began ripping out images at will and just because.

not wanting to get up from my comfy position for reasons i can’t explain, i abruptly switched gears and began to create a list of things i want to do One Day, taking inspiration from shannon and emma (i actually stole borrowed a few from both – thank you, sweeties) because here’s the thing, folks: THIS IS HARD. ask me what i’m going to do tomorrow, and i can whip out a to do list before you finish the question mark. ask me what we need to accomplish by a week from today, and stand back because in under 5 minutes i’ll have a complete schedule complete with task analysis and shopping list. but give me a pen and a blank sheet of paper and ask me to list things i want to do just because, and i’m blank. lost. nada.

i am noticing that there aren’t so many physical adventures on the list, though i do want to run (read walk, mostly) a something-marathon with kipp – if he’ll have me, of course – and one of the items i stole borrowed from emma is dance naked in the rain (although it reads “dance nekkid in the rain” on my list).

travel seems a topic good for at least 5-10 entries, but nooooo. i can only think of a handful of places i want to go. climbing mountains? don’t think so. swimming in all the oceans? i hate sand on my body, so that kinda’ knocks that out now, doesn’t it?

maybe it’s time to switch gears here and set the vision board and list aside and just choose a single word for 2010. just one itty bitty word for 2010. and what, you might well ask, would that one word be?

finally, something easy in the conjuring of a new year. my one word for 2010? JustBecause.

24 Comments

  1. Lindsey

    Oh, Jeanne, this is so true for me as well!
    Specific to-dos? A list as long as my arm.
    Blank slate? Blank mind.
    And for me, the trap is that because I am good at the specific bullets, I focus there, and I actually think that doing that handicaps my ability to think about the broader, less structured desires and needs of my heart. Does that make sense? I don’t think (a) leads to (b) – I think it may actually get in our way.
    Sigh.

    • whollyjeanne

      yes, that does make sense. lists – i love ’em/hate ’em. on the productive side of things, there’s the focus there, the sense of accomplishment that fuels me. for lists like this, i shoot for minimum of 50 because i find that 50 (eventually) catapults me over the moat of productivity into parts more interior – the parts that often get overlooked, the parts that have many layers on top of them, the parts that excel at the lists of short bursts. maybe the collage is better for me right now, but that’s not really the same thing. at least the 2 are different in terms of what i’m trying to accomplish. sigh.

  2. Lindsey

    Oh, Jeanne, this is so true for me as well!
    Specific to-dos? A list as long as my arm.
    Blank slate? Blank mind.
    And for me, the trap is that because I am good at the specific bullets, I focus there, and I actually think that doing that handicaps my ability to think about the broader, less structured desires and needs of my heart. Does that make sense? I don’t think (a) leads to (b) – I think it may actually get in our way.
    Sigh.

    • whollyjeanne

      yes, that does make sense. lists – i love ’em/hate ’em. on the productive side of things, there’s the focus there, the sense of accomplishment that fuels me. for lists like this, i shoot for minimum of 50 because i find that 50 (eventually) catapults me over the moat of productivity into parts more interior – the parts that often get overlooked, the parts that have many layers on top of them, the parts that excel at the lists of short bursts. maybe the collage is better for me right now, but that’s not really the same thing. at least the 2 are different in terms of what i’m trying to accomplish. sigh.

  3. Allison Balkovetz

    This is great! I actually picked one word for this year too! It is GRATITUDE. My goal (and challenge) is to be grateful in all things. I always pray for a sense of humor so I’m relying on that to help me find something to be grateful for even in negative circumstances. Hope you have a wonderful “Justbecause” 2010!

    • whollyjeanne

      well, hey allison. nice to see you here. gratitude is a fantastic word. for the past 6ish months, i start (almost) every day off by penning 3 thank you notes, and oh what a way to start a day. it also gives me more things to be thankful for. AND it justifies my paper addiction AND i get to use the exquisite handblown glass stylus my son gave me several years ago. and yes, you’ll need that sense of humor, but then you have such a positive outlook, should be no problem rolling with and through any negative speedbumps with a spirit of gratitude.

  4. Allison Balkovetz

    This is great! I actually picked one word for this year too! It is GRATITUDE. My goal (and challenge) is to be grateful in all things. I always pray for a sense of humor so I’m relying on that to help me find something to be grateful for even in negative circumstances. Hope you have a wonderful “Justbecause” 2010!

    • whollyjeanne

      well, hey allison. nice to see you here. gratitude is a fantastic word. for the past 6ish months, i start (almost) every day off by penning 3 thank you notes, and oh what a way to start a day. it also gives me more things to be thankful for. AND it justifies my paper addiction AND i get to use the exquisite handblown glass stylus my son gave me several years ago. and yes, you’ll need that sense of humor, but then you have such a positive outlook, should be no problem rolling with and through any negative speedbumps with a spirit of gratitude.

  5. Acey

    you’ll have to excuse my rusty out-of-the-loopedness. to make a buzzworthy collage these days…one must have access to an Oprah magazine? did i hear that correctly? glory be …

    • whollyjeanne

      oh, acey, it was just a (n obviously poor) stab at humor . . . with a bit of truth, too. at least for me. i haven’t done a collage in years, and because i attached too much import to this one particular collage, i once thought how much easier it would be to have an oprah magazine with all its photos and fabulously-fonted words. no, my collage friend queen, you are not out of the loop, I am. and woefully so.

  6. Dian Reid

    i’ve been staring at my outdated vision board for the past few months thinking, i’ve GOT to update this!! i just subscribed to O mag in november for reasons similar to yours…the new yorker offers great articles, but not so much with the “what i want for me” ads, and food and wine mag would have me +100lbs by the end of the year!! oprah will surely save us =)

    • whollyjeanne

      “the wine magazine would have me +100 lbs by the end of the year” – now that’s funny. true, and funny. good luck.

  7. Dian Reid

    i’ve been staring at my outdated vision board for the past few months thinking, i’ve GOT to update this!! i just subscribed to O mag in november for reasons similar to yours…the new yorker offers great articles, but not so much with the “what i want for me” ads, and food and wine mag would have me +100lbs by the end of the year!! oprah will surely save us =)

    • whollyjeanne

      “the wine magazine would have me +100 lbs by the end of the year” – now that’s funny. true, and funny. good luck.

  8. Acey

    you’ll have to excuse my rusty out-of-the-loopedness. to make a buzzworthy collage these days…one must have access to an Oprah magazine? did i hear that correctly? glory be …

    • whollyjeanne

      oh, acey, it was just a (n obviously poor) stab at humor . . . with a bit of truth, too. at least for me. i haven’t done a collage in years, and because i attached too much import to this one particular collage, i once thought how much easier it would be to have an oprah magazine with all its photos and fabulously-fonted words. no, my collage friend queen, you are not out of the loop, I am. and woefully so.

  9. emma

    Ooh, ooh, ooh! JustBecause – I LOVE IT!!! I adore watching/reading each step you take to shining to your full brightness. I feel your warmth and I see your light from the opposite coast, and I’m confident both will only continue to grow. As you said, you’re now in the home that provides the sanctuary and springboard. The spread of your wings is gorgeous to behold. xo

  10. emma

    Ooh, ooh, ooh! JustBecause – I LOVE IT!!! I adore watching/reading each step you take to shining to your full brightness. I feel your warmth and I see your light from the opposite coast, and I’m confident both will only continue to grow. As you said, you’re now in the home that provides the sanctuary and springboard. The spread of your wings is gorgeous to behold. xo

  11. Alana

    I gave up on my vision board for some of the same reasons you mentioned. Now I think I’ll have to go back to it. Sigh. Dang you for continuing to inspire me.

    • whollyjeanne

      haven’t finished mine either, and hope wanes, but i’m determined. i’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours . . .

  12. Alana

    I gave up on my vision board for some of the same reasons you mentioned. Now I think I’ll have to go back to it. Sigh. Dang you for continuing to inspire me.

    • whollyjeanne

      haven’t finished mine either, and hope wanes, but i’m determined. i’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours . . .

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