too tired to filter


okay, here’s the thing . . .

you know how they say that when somebody just annoys the everloving stuffing out of you that you oughta’ take a good, long look at yourself cause they’re really just holding a mirror up for you? that whatever it is in them that rubs your fur the wrong way is actually something you need to work on in yourself?

well, i say: bunk.

maybe that’s true sometimes, but hey people, let’s face it: sometimes you’re just dealing with (and probably trying hard not to) a jerk. a not-so-nice person. someone who pollutes your space.

or, if this’ll make you feel better, let’s put it this way: it’s not always about you. sometimes it’s about them.

and sometimes they’re a pure, unadulterated jerk.

that is all.

carry on.


  1. emma

    could not agree more.

    and sometimes one is related to them.


    • wholly jeanne

      i hate when that happens.

  2. Cristina

    Yes. I completely agree. As I walk the path of trying to forgive certain people, I hear all kinds of advice from people about how to go about it. I want to forgive. But you know what? It’s really them… they’re messed up, not me!

    I love you!

    • wholly jeanne

      yes, yes, yes. THEY’re messed up not you. and it’s not your responsibility to spend your time and energy finding a way to make it your fault instead of theirs. and that’s just how i see it.

  3. Lalizlatina

    I am clapping my hands & jumping for joy. I am so tired of trying to figure out what is wrong with me in my attempts in trying to forgive. Many times I can see my cracks, my failings. Sometimes it isn’t about me and many times I need permission to believe it. THANK YOU. I love you so much. (am I allowed to love someone this much that I haven’t met in person?)

    • whollyjeanne

      oh, sugar, you know – i mean you really KNOW – when there’s something about you that needs to be addressed and when you need to push aside all the popular advice, rise up and say, enough. trust yourself. you know. you definitely know.

  4. Bridget Pilloud

    oh my goodness, have you been following me around, thinking, what, exactly does Bridget need to hear right now? (Looking over my shoulder to see if WhollyJeanne is there).

    • whollyjeanne

      yes, i’ve been following you around whispering in your ear. but you didn’t listen, so i had to go public;)

  5. Alana

    Heee! Somebody went and made you mad. I love it.

  6. Yolanda Peralta

    Love this gentle reminder, “It’s not always about you. Sometimes it’s about them. Thank you!

  7. Sally G.

    Bunk? Yikes, that’s harsh!!

    I’ve actually found that premise to be true, though finding the quality or aspect I’m hating or denying in myself isn’t always glaringly obvious.

    When it comes to self-development and personal growth though ~ I’ve got miles to go before I sleep. I call people who force me to slow down and focus more attention ‘Speedbumps’ ~ and Heaven knows how quickly I tire of Speedbumps …

    • whollyjeanne

      sally, i’ve found it to be true sometimes, too, but not always and whenever i hear this other-person-as-mirror theory, it doesn’t allow for “sometimes”. as for becoming a better person, oh, sugar, i have galaxies to cross and lightyears to spend on that. and i’m fortunate to have help from so many other people – some of them doing annoying things that i need to see/amend in myself. but sometimes they’re just annoying, and our paths don’t need to cross too often.

  8. Giulietta Nardone

    Hi Wholly Jeanne,

    Followed you here from Sally G’s. Very thought provoking post. Sometimes I think it’s a mirror and sometimes it’s not so much the mirror as it’s our own frustration at not speaking up to the “jerk” in question. We’re frustrated that we let them be jerks to us, when all it takes is a simple — you can’t treat me like that. I think Dr. Phil said, “we teach people how to treat us.” I’ve found that to be true my entire life.

    So, in some ways it’s about us and it isn’t about us, yet it is. People give away their power all the time …

    Thx, G.

    • whollyjeanne

      well hey, giulietta. so glad you found your way here to make such a rich deposit to this conversation. i couldn’t agree with you more: i know that sometimes i’ve fallen back into familiar patterns of “rise above” or remembered the old saying that you can wrestle with a pig but then both of you get dirty – those kinds of things instead of just saying “stop it.” i feel another post coming on . . .

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