they’re never on my packing list,
but i never leave home without them . . .
hot flash strikes.
out of the blue
no discernible trigger
just the teensiest little ole’ warning i’ve come to recognize
from paying close attention to myself:
nanoseconds before a hot flash arrives
i can breath more clearly.
my breathing passages just flat-out open up
heralding the arrival of
the intense heat that spreads rapidly through my body,
not discriminating against any one particular area.
i feel like i’ve just been wrapped in plastic wrap –
not the kind you buy in the store –
this plastic wrap sticks.
no air can get to me.
moments before, i could breathe expansively
now i can’t breathe at all.
while my brain races
frantically looking for an exit sign,
my body quietly points to the exist sign
and my brain calms down,
i toss out the dismissive, overused phrase “this too shall pass”
replacing it with
“more women than i can count have survived hot flashes. i will be fine.”
then i tune in and notice my body like never before.
this amazing body
that has long been a source of embarrassment
instead of a place of refuge and strength.
on any given day and for far too many years
i scold it, scoff at it, ignore it.
and now, during this wildfire,
i find my way to appreciation.
breath holds my hand
until the hot flash recedes,
regrouping for next time
it will show up unannounced and uninvited
to beam me into my body,
into the present.
This post was birthed by my participation in Bindu Wile’s 21.5.800 project, and (even though it’s officially ended) Dian’s Self Evidence project (self-awareness).
Technorati Tags: #215800, #SelfEv