seems like all my life i’ve had somebody professing to take care of me. and truth be known, i’ve kinda’ wanted somebody to take care of me, someone to watch over me to make sure i don’t misstep or misspeak or miss the boat. somebody to take care of me. and at the same time, i learned during as early as the group projects in elementary school that i am responsible for myself. i have to be.
i don’t have to forage for food or a place to sleep every day, but i do forage for something more.
i am many different people, and maybe i’m just not evolved enough, but my idea of wholeness is not to meld the entire committee into one generic version of self, not to be the same jeanne every single day of every single week of every single month of every single year of every single decade. shoot no. wholeness is welcoming each Committee Of Jeanne Member to the table (with one or two possible exceptions), and go on about my business.
i would like to say there’ll be no more trying to remake myself into an image others will find pleasing and acceptable – i’d love to commit to that – but the truth is, i know me too well by now. there will always be a committee member in search of the gold star, the pat on the head, the atta’ girl. one committee member will always advocate abandoning any idea that isn’t readily met with enthusiasm from somebody outside our committee.
i have committed to walking down this path of 365 Altars, to honoring my deepest sumptuous self every single day, and it is my fervent hope that eventually i will become stronger, more sure of myself, and that i won’t grow another single wrinkle worrying about being found pleasing in the sight of others. that i will stand in front of the mirror and smile at the sight of my self (even first thing in the morning), and that that smile will fill me up.
365 Altars: honoring our deepest sumptuous selves. 3/365
a most important note: The notion of 365 Altars was fueled by talking with my sister-in-writing-and-more-much-more Julie Daly of UnabashedlyFemale.com and talks with my sister-in-spirituality-and-so-very-much-more, Angela Kelsey of (of all things) AngelaKelsey.com. I love them.