Tag: my life in stitches

brooms, and zen some

Broom1

i don’t remember my grandmother ever sweeping. i’m sure she did, i just don’t remember ever seeing her doing it. my granddaddy, on the other hand, loved nothing better than cutting branches off a bush and stringing them together to make a broom then putting that broom in my hands and telling me to sweep the front yard.

yes, the front yard.

they had grass – a lot of grass – and matching lawnmowers to cut it because my grandmother loved cutting grass. but the front yard was bare, hard red dirt. and we swept it.

i’d sweep pretty designs into the dirt while granddaddy sat in the glider on the front porch and watched me. he never criticized or made me do it over, which makes me think he was just wanting a break and couldn’t think of a better way to take one than to sit and watch me work.

only now, as these words fall out of my fingertips do i think of zen gardens and, depending on how imaginative you want to go, similarities. that kind of “well, shoot” moment and the “well, shoot” realization that i never saw grandmother sweeping are precisely why i encourage people to commit their personal histories to paper, digital or otherwise.

still pondering women’s work, for reasons i can’t explain, and to tell you the truth: i’ve not even asked myself that particular why even once. but if i did venture out and ask “why on earth are you thinking about so-called women’s work?” i know what the answer would be: “just because.”

///

i’m sure you’ve picked up on the fact that today i’ve got brooms on my mind, which brings to mind this poem that my beloved friend and writing partner, julie daley, sent me on my birthday. speaking of julie, have you signed up for her newsletter (see the box in the right sidebar)? for her Leap Day Call to Discover? read the poem, then scoot on over and get yourself all signed up.

Broom

by Lisa Citore

Every woman keeps a secret broom in her closet.
Not the broom she sweeps the kitchen floor with,
the one handed to her by her husband
to keep her from thinking too much.
But the broom made by the first mother,
passed down to the first daughter,
who rode off into the night against her father’s wishes
and became the moon.
The broom that delivered Lilith from the Garden of Eden
when there wasn’t room for more than one god,
that has been a symbol of woman’s power and will,
her ability to fly in between the worlds
as messenger, midwife, mystic, priestess,
manifesting thought into physical form.

Every woman keeps a secret broom in her closet.
Not the one she pulls out when company is coming over,
the one that makes her look good in front of the in-laws.
But the broom that shakes her
from the shackles of her pretending,
that whispers “Now!” when the moon is full,
that calls her deeper into the forest,
that still smells like trees in Avalon.
The broom once held sacred,
long since kept out of sight…
like the signs of menstrual blood,
the questions we were told never to ask,
the places on our bodies
we were punished for touching too much,
the screams we swallowed as little girls
when our mothers warned us, “That’s enough.”

I remember before being able to speak,
desperate to get my mother’s attention,
peeing my bed, burning with 105 degree temperatures,
crying, “This is your pain too!“
“Come hold me and we will heal together.”
Instead she drove us from one doctor to another,
trying to outrun, numb truth with stronger antibiotics,
hoping she could save me
from the dis-ease of being born a woman
by removing the tonsils.
Not unlike the circumcism of young girls in Asia and Africa,
whose clitorises are considered to be
as dangerous as a woman’s voice.

I remember my mother feeding me ice cream,
coating the wound with milk
until it fell asleep inside of me,
sticking a pad in my underwear years later
when it started to bleed again,
diminishing those first drops of reclaimed wisdom
to a stain on the back of my dress.

I remember throwing the soiled garments into the garbage,
wanting to bury myself along with them,
wanting to push the blood back up inside of me.
Frightened of its loud, red color,
singing of young girls running in fields smelling flowers,
of greedy gods, lost children and weeping mothers,
of eating one too many pomegranate seeds
to ever be innocent again…

Every woman keeps a secret broom in her closet.
Not the one that’s been domesticated,
that discreetly sweeps things under the rug.
But the broom that knocks at the door of her soul
every time she smiles to avoid feeling what she knows.
The broom that throws the dirt up in our faces
until we choke on the dust of our unliving,
that remembers the temples we used to dance in,
the stars and galaxies we used to spin
from our joy.

isn’t that a beaut? now scoot on over to julie’s place cause i sure wouldn’t want you to miss out on something this good.

More about 365 Altars

embodiment

BannerClothBordered

paint the picture you want to hang.
make the trip you want to remember.
take the photo you want to view.

build the house you want to live in.
cook the meal you want to eat.
lay the stones you want to walk on.

run the race you want to win.
dance the dance you want to feel.
plant the tree you want to sit under.

sew the dress you want to wear.
write the music you want to sing.
craft the play you want to star in.

stitch the quilt you want to use.
weave the cloth you want to stitch.
write the book you want to read.

tell the story you want to hear.
create the blog you want to visit.
live the life you want to live.

(psst: that’s me there
in those last 6 lines.
starting something new
today,
putting a new spin
on something quite familiar.
skip on over to
rootsofshe.com
to find out more.)

weaving blooms

first, the seed.
from my writing partner and friend julie daley:

Julie

which sparked this in me:

Blossom1

which became this:

Blossom3

and you know how it goes.
one seed blooms,
then another,
then another
which is to say:
there’s more.
just you wait.

blues

TheBlueLovelies

It’s been such a lovely day – filled with such productivity and possibility. At one point, I felt totally in control of my life – like I am right where I’m supposed to be.

But now . . .

See these lovelies? They are from the talented hands of my friend Glennis who really knows her way around shibori. I have held these bits of cloth in their cellophane wrapper for so long, keeping them segregated from the general fabric population. Today I pulled them out not just to look at and drool over, but to weave together into cloth for a Very Special Project. Then shoot, before I could start, doubt crept in and hissed me into paralysis. So I return them to protective custody and prepare to stitch on an existing cloth – one I created last night – one that’s ready for layers of embellishment – while the blue lovelies resume their patient, optimistic wait.

foundations

Base3

weaving disparate things together.
combining things in unexpected ways,
ripping to find the true grain,
laying the foundation
and building a basecloth
for possibilities.

weaving

Weave7

from bandages
to bindings
(not necessarily in that order).
whether part of some great plan
or a contract signed before birth
or just the luck of the draw,
they’re here.
so what’s a girl to do?
weave them into the bigger cloth called life,
of course.

reworking

reworking

don’t like what i see,
but rather than toss it all aside,
and render it useless
and unworthy,
rather than walk away,
i rip out the stitches,
saving the bits of cloth
and threads,
(it is, after all, my cloth)
the mere act of
ripping
enkindling ideas of
other uses for them
in this project
that i’m now calling
my legasee cloth.

Seeping

Seeping4

If I tell you I have a headache,
you’ll badger me to go to the doctor.

If I tell you I’m not interested in anything
and would love to sleep for three days,
you’ll encourage me to go to a therapist.

If I tell you that I’m tired
of saying only nice things,
edifying things,
fresh, perky, upbeat things,
you’ll tell me to go ahead
and write what I will
then
you’ll share your testimony of faith,
and try to save my soul by convincing
me that your god
is The One For Me.

centering

there’s something quite satisfying
and downright fun
about cutting the center
from the starched napkin
with the drawn-thread borders
and mitered corners

Core

then
ripping the center
into strips.
ragged, fraying, uneven strips.

CoreShredded

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