For a time, I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
(via Julie Daley)
i got my feelings hurt yesterday by things said and not said. by things done and not done. and as i write that true statement, i feel small and wretched and ashamed. voices hiss from the dark corners and crevices a cacophony of remonstrations and admonitions: “unwanted equals unworthy” and “you can’t control what others do and say, only your reaction and response – when will you ever learn that?” and, in a chiding, condescending, nasal voice “only petty, ego-driven people get their feelings hurt.” a softer voice whispers “sometimes you do hurt, and there’s nothing wrong with that. feel it. stay with it till it passes, as it most assuredly will.”
it’s all too much.
this morning i don my new earrings – the ones that said “seek” and “grace” when i ordered them and now (because i asked with a pretty please) say “seeking” and “grace”. three little letters – ing – turn the outward message of a personal adornment inward, creating tiny little sticky notes to remind me of who and how i want to be. and just like that, i resume my search for the delicate balance between graciously overlooking and graciously honoring myself, trying to find where to put the fulcrum this time to maintain the delicate balance and not squash relationships or my sense of worthiness in the process.
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