65: Lost and Found

I found myself yesterday, and I didn’t even know I’d been lost. I found myself in a book I’d forgotten existed. A book that, according to the back cover, was shelved under “inspiration”. A book that when new set me back $4.95 . . .

While tidying The Dissenter’s Chapel & Snug (my studio, for all you Muggles) in anticipation of a friend coming to visit, I decided it time to sift through the mountain range of books surrounding my reading chair. “Time to get real,” I told my self. “Time to get rid of the ones you’ll never read again . . . which probably means most of them. You’re behind on everything, and being on the finite side of infinity, you have to focus on what needs to get done, so you simply don’t have time to read anymore.”

Though I didn’t have time for this sorting process either, I picked up each book, one at a time, and let it tell me through my hands if it held something for me in its pages or if it was time to move on to some other library Out There. When I came to The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy, (Now over 500,000 copies in print! it boasts on the front cover) I paused, affording it special consideration not bestowed on the previous books . . . I opened it. It fell open to this passage:

“Here is another very popular method used in selling homes, land, or any kind of property. Affirm slowly, quietly, and feelingly as follows: ‘Infinite intelligence attracts to me the buyer for this home who wants it and who prospers in it. This buyer is being sent to me by the creative intelligence of my subconscious mind which makes no mistakes. This buyer may look at many other homes, but mine is the only one he wants and will buy, because he is guided by the infinite intelligence within him. I know the buyer is right, the time is right, and the price is right. Everything about it is right. The deeper currents of my subconscious mind are not in operation bringing both of us together in divine order. I know that it is so.'”

It was a Homecoming, y’all. There I was on page 128. Right here, in these 134 words. This is how I once went through the world – not at the mercy and direction of Others, but by the seat of my own Infinite and Creative Intelligence. I felt things . . . Knew things in my body, with my body.

I never quite figured out if I was foretelling events or if I caused events, but it never once occurred to me back then that I was powerless, incapable of causing or even sensing what was to come. I just Knew. I just Was. I just Did. It was me as sure and as much as my name is Jeanne. It was the way I went through the world.

I love that woman.

I loved astounding and confounding The Engineer.

I love imagining that he harbored hushed thoughts that he’d married a witch.

I love that I didn’t even think twice about Knowing things until I married him. If I could do it, everybody could, right?

How did I lose that Jeanne? Where did I put her?

I want her back.