I was gonna’ write a story that would show off my wisdom by writing some breathtakingly clever piece likening cleaning house or feeding the pets to Being One With The World and Changing Your Life and the Lives of the Next Fourteen Generations – you know, that kind of thing – but then The Engineer comes in and turns on the Walker Texas Ranger Show, and all of a sudden I am leaning on the delete key and googling like nobody’s business to find out how how I can enroll in The Chuck Norris School of Kickass. Those kicks . . . those punches . . . those assumed identities have me drooling without snoring, and the timing couldn’t be better cause I am tired of living in chaos, and I’m long overdue for a new skill set.
Said another way: I am motivated.
And as if all that isn’t enough, I’m of That Certain Age when it’s all the rage to go out and save The World. But me, I stand with Chuck: What better way to save the world than to rid it of mean dumbasses.
I have found My Calling.
Fortunately, it’s also all the rage to get back into the body, so the way I see it, if I can rid the world of morons by using my body and leaving the knives and guns at home, I’ll be some wildly-hailed, politically-correct woman who people will fall all over themselves to hold a parade for. I can see it now: there’ll be book deals and magazine covers, tv shows and movie deals. I’ll probably wind up with more honorary Ph.D.’s than I can say grace over. Shoot, I may eventually start my own school or at least offer online classes or at the very least set up that little stool I kept in front of the toilet for my son when he was being potty trained on a street corner with my empty guitar case in front of me.
Make that a bass case cause I’m thinking positive.
And for the woman in a hurry with no time to study, I’ll sell cans of whipass – just pop the top and stand back.
Or maybe stand back first cause I don’t have a lot of insurance.
Took me 34 days to bust out . . . and I have 66 more stories to go! To get your free ringside seat to this circus of one, mash that “right this way” button in the orange bar at the top of the screen and follow the directions. It’s worth every penny you won’t pay for it.