+ Her Barefoot Heart

Category: writings (Page 17 of 66)

4: Mistaken Identity

Today, another story in stitch . . .

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At first
they looked like horns,
but looking closer,
She saw that they were actually arms
reaching up in search of hugs.

Rinse Cycle, #2: Pivotal Epiphanies in a Woman’s Life

~~~~~~~

I’m penning 100 stories in 100 days
(#100Days100Stories).
There’ll be personal history,
made-up stories,
and I don’t know what all.
If you’d like to get a helping’ of my daily potluck,
mash the button in the orange box
at the top of the screen and subscribe,
why don’t you.

3: Sprucing Things Up

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It was a mid-century ranch house, red brick with charcoal-colored mortar and trim that changed color every two or three years when it was painted. If you entered by way of the back door and took two steps to the left, you stood smack dab in front of the refrigerator. Though spacious to us, it was undoubtedly small by today’s standards. Our kitchen had the usual features: stove, oven, double white porcelain sinks with separate spray attachment, white dishwasher, white refrigerator, but where my mother made it Her kitchen was the table. She designed a restaurant-style booth with oilcloth-covered-for-easy-cleaning padded seats that hugged two of the wallpaper clad walls. The triangle-shaped table was covered in shiny white formica with the gold starburst pattern.

Daddy’s assigned seat was right across from the refrigerator, and to his left sat my brother Jerry (or J3 I call him). To J3’s left was my sister Jan, and as the oldest child and a teen to boot, I took the seat nearest the white rotary dial wall-mounted telephone. Mother, as you might imagine, had the seat of honor, trading off responsibility for fetching seconds for a chair and an entire side of the table to call her own.

One Wednesday night during supper, Mother mentioned that she’d agreed to house some visiting teenagers over the coming weekend. “You did what?” Daddy asked, talking with his mouth full. (He knew better.)

“Well, last week at Sunday School they asked who would be willing to take in some visiting teenagers this weekend, and before I could stop myself, I raised my hand,” she said, “so we’ll be having some missionary kids staying with us this weekend.”

Now Mother and Daddy both worked outside the home – Daddy was the entrepreneur who designed, built, and owned golf courses while Mother worked for the local Board of Education, bringing home the steady paycheck and insurance. Both of them being so busy and all could quite possibly explain why Mother forgot to mention one teensy little detail to Daddy . . . or maybe she did mention it and Daddy forgot. We’ll never know for sure, but one thing we know with absolute certainty: communication could have been better.

The next day after school, Mother handed me the car keys along with a 20-dollar bill and told me, “Jeanne, I want you to run out to Greenbriar and get me something religious looking.” The only religious looking thing I could find in that entire mall was a little ceramic loaf of bread branded with the words “Our Daily Bread” and filled with colorful strips of paper sticking out of the top.

The missionary kids got there just in time to join us for supper Friday night. We all took our usual seats, directed the visitors to the two chairs pulled in from the dining room, and Daddy kicked things off like he always did by reaching over to spear him a piece of meat. Mother slapped his hand and said, “Crawford. You know better than that. We haven’t had Our Daily Bread yet. We always start with that.”

“Our WHAT?” Daddy asked.

“Our Daily Bread,” Mother purred while shoving the container of colorful paper in his direction. “Why don’t you start us off?” When he just sat there looking at her with his mouth hanging wide open, she reached in, pulled out a red slip of paper, and handed it to him. “Read us what’s on it, Crawford.”

Daddy somehow read the words off that red paper while continuing to glare at Mother, and as soon as he was finished, Mother quickly suggested we ask one of the visiting missionary kids to ask the blessing.

Though he never warmed to the idea of kicking off each meal by reading a colorful slip of paper from a ceramic loaf of bread, Daddy did warm to the missionary kids. “Y’all want to take a ride with me on my motorcycle after lunch?” he asked them on Saturday, a question we children had certainly never been asked, a question that left us with that same open mouth glare we’d seen on his face the night before.

The religious looking Our Daily Bread mysteriously disappeared late Sunday afternoon right after the missionary kids left town, and I always thought they stole it took it home with them to sell on the black market as a souvenir . . . until I opened my birthday present one year to find – drum roll please – the original religious-looking Our Daily Bread.

And no, we don’t keep it on our table.
And no, we don’t start each meal by reading a colorful slip of paper from it.
And no, you can’t have it. Not even for your birthday.

~~~~~~~

I’m penning 100 stories in 100 days (#100Days100Stories). There’ll be personal history, made-up stories, and I don’t know what all. If you’d like to get a helping’ of my daily potluck, mash the button in the orange box at the top of the screen and subscribe, why don’t you.

2: Show and Tale

Today, a story in stitch . . .

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Then One Day
she knew she had to fly
despite decades of being advised to
remain small and quiet and safe.
Seeing Her soar, the Others began to fly, too
every one of them wondering
why they’d waited so long.

The Rinse Cycle, #1: Pivotal Epiphanies in a Woman’s Life

~~~~~~~

#100 Days 100 Stories
Click in the orange bar at the top of the page
to have it delivered to your door every morning.

1: By Day and By Night

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By day, she’s your basic ordinary lamp with all the right lamp parts: a base, a switch, a bulb. She’s pretty enough, in that unassuming high class kind of way, her love for the Victorian era evident in the clothes she wears.

For as long as anyone can remember, you can find her there on the creaky white wicker nightstand that won’t stay steady no matter how many napkins you fold up and put under that one leg, her days spent reflecting the light and colors and images of those who come close. Never bad to attract attention to herself, she silently perches there, always ready and waiting for Someone In Need to happen along and flip her switch to own.

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“Selfless,” they call her.
“A bit eccentric with those old dresses she wears, but she’s so nice,” they cluck.
“She never makes trouble, and she helps a lot of people,” they say.
“I know her like the back of my hand, and she is a good lamp,” more than one person assures whoever will listen.
“A lamp unto feet and a light unto paths – is there any higher calling?” they ask no one in particular.

She knows they say all these things, and while it’s definitely a good reputation to have and one that brings no shame to her family, this life spent being dependable and helpful and easy going simply isn’t Enough. So by night, when all anybody needs is their own closed eyelids to project their dreams on, when she knows she won’t be interrupted save for maybe a dark:thirty sleep-walking trip to the bathroom, she tattoos the bland walls of that room with beauty the likes of which you’ve never seen before.

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I tell you what: it’ll take your breath away, the beauty that lamp creates when she cuts loose and lets her own light beam, and even though she knows there’s a chance nobody will ever see the art she makes, it doesn’t matter cause it’s the making that fills her soul, and that is most definitely Enough.

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~~~~~~~

I’m penning 100 stories in 100 days. Why? Because neuroplasticity being what it is and all, we know that repeated focus has life-changing power, and I’ve a hankering for just such a thing. I’m calling it #100Days100Stories, and if you want it to land on your doorstep every morning (relax, I never break a window), maybe you want to subscribe by following the directions in the orange stripe at the top of this screen. Of course I’m still stitching, too, so many of the stories will feature my Hymns of Cloth.

What Love Looks Like With 42 Years on the Odometer

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Then
being heard meant being able to repeat back to me what I just said.
Now
being heard means that without prompting, you remember that I need to take photos of my Hymns of Cloth and you talk to the neighbor about using his barn, rig up a system, gather the tools, and make it happen.

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Then
being seen meant you noticed the scar on my nose (a visible reminder of when I ran into the bridge) and thought it adorable.
Now
being seen means you secretly find the address for the fabric store in London and walk me there, bringing along a book so I can take all the time I like to delight in (and decide on) the gorgeous fabrics.

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Then
being held meant holding hands or resting your arm around the back of my chair or letting me snuggle up close when we watched scary or sad movies.
Now
being held means that when we get separated at parties, you keep an eye on me from afar, knowing how much this introvert you married longs to be in the corner watching the stories unfold.

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Then
I felt butterflies when you walked into the room.
Now
I feel butterflies when we’re apart . . . when you’re working on the roof . . . when you don’t answer your phone.

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Then
“till death do us part” meant nothing, not even a page on a calendar we would buy One Day.
Now
we know that “till death do us part” might mean tomorrow morning, this afternoon, or tonight
which
is precisely why we keep filling our togetherness with adventures, discoveries, and always, always, always . . . laughter.

Like Mama Helen said this past weekend: I sure knew which ones to kick to the curb and which one to keep. Forty-two years later, and you’re still The One, My Engineer. Oh my goodness gracious yes – you are most definitely still The One.

~~~~~~~

Starting tomorrow, I’m gonna’ pen 100 stories in 100 days (#100Days100Stories). Why? Because I’ve been longing for a challenge, that’s why. Join in or read along, I’ll be tickled to have your company either way.

Me, I’m Partial to Lower Case Letters. Very Much So.

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Some people declare themselves Artists on their business cards, web sites, blogs. You meet Them and They talk exclusively about Themselves, Their work, Their exhibits, Their plans, Their sales, Their galleries, Their families, Their creative process, Their lives without so much as a how-do-you-do to you. If They mention you at all, it’s to sell you something or ask you to do something They need done. They suck all the air out of the room and all the energy out of you. You stand there watching Their lips move, hoping they’ll soon take a break so you can escape.

Other folks create beauty all day every day. They create beauty when they paint, when they cook, when they garden, when they dress, when they make pottery, when they stitch. Their spaces are welcoming because they have comfort and goodness in mind when they decorate. Their tables are filled with delicious, nourishing food they’ve seasoned with love. Their conversations are an extravaganza of give-and-take. They are interested in you, asking you questions without holding an interrogation and delighted that you’re interested in them, easily finding a box full of common threads and ways to support and encourage you. They are artists because everything they do – be it creating something new or performing everyday ordinary tasks – is done with caring, attention to detail, beauty.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t need any more Upper Case Letters polluting my life, thank you very much. The lower casers, though? There’s always room for them at my table.

~~~~~~~

For a while now I’ve had a hankering to do something challenging that requires commitment, can be quantified, and has the potential to change my life. With that in mind, I’m gonna’ be launching 100 Days, 100 Stories (#100days,100stories). That’s right, I’ll pen a story every day for 100 days beginning this-coming Saturday, 8/1/15. Some will be made-up, some will be true. All will be short . . . well, most all will be, anyway. Join me as and if you will by leaving a story in the comments here or tag me in a facebook post or send a link to a story you post on your blog. Use the hashtag #100days100stories and know that there won’t be any prompts or that kind of thing ’cause you don’t need it. There are stories everywhere. You and me, we just need to start looking and listening for ’em.

Happy Daddy’s Day . . . To Those Who’ve Earned It


He called me “Doll”, and even the most ardent feminist in me felt not trivialized and objectified but loved and supported. He said things like “If bullfrogs had wings, they wouldn’t bump their fannies” and “I don’t give a rat’s ass what so-and-so said or did, you are not them, you are Jeanne.” He didn’t coddle or smother or take over, but he was always ready and available to help if asked. He  repeated the good things he learned about parenting from his dad and replaced the not-so-good things with something better. He taught my daughter and me what to look for in a good man, and he taught my son how to be a good man. He died way too young, and I miss him every single day.



He calls them Al and Kipp and tells them things like “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing wrong” and “Where you are today is a result of the choices you’ve made.” He doesn’t coddle or smother or take over, but he is always ready and willing to help if asked. He taught my daughter what a good man is, and he taught my son how to be one.

One is my daddy, one is the father of my children. I can’t imagine anybody else I’d rather have be my dad or dad to my children. Both are dads I celebrate and cherish, remember and honor not just today, but pretty much every day.

To all the good dads – the loving, supportive, nurturing dads – Happy Father’s Day and thank you for making the world a better place by raising Good kids. To all the sorry men who had the same chance as other men to be a good dad but didn’t bother, shame on you. 

 

It’s All About Choices, Y’all

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It’s all about choices, y’all. Choices and consequences. A pretty simple concept with pretty darn important repercussions. Too often we let somebody else make our choices for us and we are surprised or unhappy or cranky with the results. Or we go through every single day with a nasty, negative attitude and we wonder why we are so miserable. If these remarks resemble you, thunk yourself up side the head for me, will you? We learn a lot about ourselves from the choices we make and the consequences that ensue, and we learn a lot from life in general when we stew, thrive, or wrestle in life lived in the aforementioned consequences. Making our own choices, accepting responsibility and/or asking for help living the consequences, and making different choices when possible and necessary are the keys to living a self-determined life, and if you ask me, there’s no finer way to live.

Too often we take away the choices of others in the name of expediency or ease. Take dying people, for example. As life wanes, all too often opportunities to choose do, too. I’m not talking about drastic measures – that should already be spelled out in the living wills and such. I’m talking about things like what to eat and what to wear and what would you like to listen to now.

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We spent today with Nancy, and we fiddled with cloth because I wanted to give her the option to do something besides draw. If you could see the video (I am, for the first time ever, traveling without my computer, and let me tell you: there’s a rather steep learning curve when blogging from the iPad, so alas, no video.) hear me in the background of the video asking Nancy what color cloth she wants to add next. (Though I don’t have to admit it here since you can’t see the video, I will nevertheless tell you that I am surprised and embarrassed and disappointed at the way I kinda’ rushed and overwhelmed by offering 3 color choices instead of waiting for her to process and decide, but that’s the value of video, and now that I’m aware, it won’t happen again.) She chose to fiddle with cloth; she chose which colors she wanted to add; and eventually she chose to pick up her crayons. 

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It was, as all days spent with Nancy are, fun, worthwhile, and thought-provoking. What say we make our own choices instead of abdicating our power, and what say we strive to gift others with the opportunity to make their own choices every chance we get. It’s a quality of life thing.

Inner Authority

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In Our Own Language 4:10

His grandfather took him into the woods and left him in the quiet all day long. At the end of the day, his grandfather would fetch him and ask: What did you see? What did you feel? What did you learn?

You can learn a lot from reading and listening and watching, but you develop your Inner Authority from doing.

Though she has many external authorities in her life, Nancy also has an Inner Authority. I can see it when she makes her marks – the way she starts without hesitation, the way she stops when she knows she’s finished, the way she selects her colors and turns the page and sometimes rips the page into pieces, keeping the bits she likes while discarding the rest.

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She (Nancy, my developmentally disabled sister-in-love) draws.
I (Jeanne, the woman who flat-out loves her) stitch.

I Mean It

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In Our Own Language 4:9

We All know a lot more than we think we do
and Wisdom is buried inside Each One of Us.
All we need is a way to make Art,
a Good Listener
or a Good Looker
Someone to Witness us
to help the Knowledge and the Wisdom
to emerge and flow.

PS: And hey,
if anybody ever tells you junk that sounds like
you shouldn’t care what others think,
or how you shouldn’t care if anybody
ever even sees your creations
know 2 things:
their inner moron is showing
and
they’ve had good witnesses somewhere along the way.
Witnesses they’ve forgotten about
and never appreciated enough.

~~~~~~~

She (Nancy, my developmentally disabled sister-in-love) draws.
I (Jeanne, the woman who flat-out loves her) stitch.

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